What did I do at work today?

I let slip in casual conversation today that I was in the process of securing a house in Durham, NC. The whisper stream in my company took approximately five minutes for this information to reach the company’s president. He asked me when exactly I planned on leaving and then showed me a description of my job, a description that certainly didn’t exist when I started.

I spent the day revising and streamlining this description to something that could be posted online to find a replacement. I finally was able to trim it just under four pages as soon as I had deleted under ‘Duties’ the following:

“Integration Manager will provide CEO with daily anal tongue bath”

Anyone want a job?