Today I just graduated from another course in interpersonal communications, no seriously. I have actually committed a great deal of time and other people’s money to the art of communicating effectively.
And I can tell you unequivocally that I am awesome at communicating. I am extremely effective at allowing you to understand my needs and reassuring you of how irrelevant your needs are when we aren’t in agreement. Not to say that your needs aren’t important, they certainly are when they parallel my needs, and of course you want us to both get what we want, don’t you?
As we approach this historical election I find that more and more people feel empowered to try to communicate with me. Why just today, someone who has known me for years expressed how rude and insensitive I was as if they had just realized this today. All this is very novel to me as in the past most people just averted their gaze as I leered at them sexually. I’ve decided that either I’m not creepy enough anymore or I’ve suddenly become sexually attractive to all walks of life and they can no longer ignore me.
It gets worse, this weekend, my company insisted I sit at the State Fair and be the engineer in charge of how ignorant you are of technology (I don’t think that was a title so much as a directive, which is why I didn’t capitalize). People actually approached me with questions. Didn’t anyone tell these people you aren’t suppose to ask engineers questions lest they give you an answer that is outside your vocabulary, is bound to make you feel more stupid and usually involves a huge dent in your wallet. You invite engineers to public events simply to eat your food and as silent props to legitimize your marketing staff.
Not to worry, I used my time communicating productively. I shared the secret that no one need worry about the upcoming ‘digital transition’ that will be taking place February 17th, 2009. As we will simply start broadcasting our advertisements directly to the microchip we had installed in each of your brains.
Have a Nice Day.