T minus 3 days until Amy and I are married. It’s true, we have been talking about it for months but it is finally coming to pass. I keep on repeating it to myself to take the weirdness out of that statement. Why? Well I swore a long time ago that I would never get married, but I was talking to a theoretical physicist last year and he taught me mathematically that there is no such thing as ‘never’. It changed my life and allowed for the possibility that I could get married. Fucking Physics.
After a while, Amy finally convinced me that it was actually cheaper to get married than to draft ‘Power of Attorney’ papers in the case of some ‘catastrophic situation’, and if you have ever ridden a motorcycle with me, you would understand what that means and Amy’s desire to want the power to pull the plug on me and collect a sizable life insurance policy. Actually it all sounded a lot less sinister when Amy explained it to me the first time.
We scheduled the wedding for the middle of the week in a town we don’t even live in so the only people who could come were our more fanatical family, a few stalkers and the habitually unemployed. It’s also not that amazing how many strippers can apparently get Wednesday off work.
I’d give you more information but I’ve decided to stay inebriated and silent until its all over lest I inadvertently sabotage the proceedings by opening my mouth. Sometimes words collaborate in my mouth for nefarious reasons, they are not my friends.