I was going to talk about furries, but I realized they really get enough shit already. Floridians? Not so much.
I have noticed an uncomfortable amount of Florida License Plates up here on the roads these days. And I can tell you I’m not at all happy. I mean I still have friends in Florida (and I miss you all dearly), but I left there to experience ‘not fucking insane’ and honestly, I’ve never felt more at home.
But due to my friends and family, I often keep up on the news in Florida, here are a smattering of headlines from the last few days…
- 90-year-old emaciated woman’s shoes ‘grown into her feet’; son charged with neglect
- UF students build 40 person beer bong to protest for younger drinking age
- It’s happened again: Man arrested for throwing sandwich at girlfriend
- Woman Plans To Sue Hospital, Says Knife Was Left In Head
- Impatient Man Makes Bomb Threat At Hospital
- Report: Man bites Fort Pierce woman on elbow to get car keys, drive off
- Angry wife jailed after biting husband’s you-know-what
- Florida man uses BB gun to steal deodorant
- Police: Suspicious wife who demands to smell husband’s genitals beaten
- Police: Fort Pierce woman allegedly attacked crack-smoking boyfriend with toilet seat
Having read this latest news, I’m not at all sorry I left and if you live in Florida and were truly a friend of mine, you would escape as well before ‘they’ get you, I don’t care where you go, but seriously, FARK dedicated a category to Florida, don’t you get it yet?
In related news, my mother got gay married, or at least as gay married as one can get in Florida. Which brings me to even more disturbing news, the girl and I are planning to get married in Miami this year. She is aiming for September 9th so I don’t forget 09-09-09. Personally, I’d prefer the more binary 10-10-10, not simply because it’s a year farther away but it is the binary number for the answer to life, the universe, and everything. But it appears I can no longer distract her with jewelry. Besides, I gotta make her an honest women before she gets swept away by some hero on OKCupid.
BTW, I recently discovered I have fans, certainly being terribly self-centered I Google myself constantly. Since I have long lived in the shadow of a certain famous Mr. Universe, I find emulation highly flattering. I am however, not at all concerned that my fans appear to be mostly catty Greek queers including this suave fag (warning untethered dicks).
That is all for now…