Category Archives: Play

Dumbass

After Wednesday’s hijinks I find that the area around my little toe has some kind of sprain. I told Amy it was near my ‘metacarpal’, she laughed saying, “Your meta’TARS’als are in your feet, it’s easy to remember, just think of ‘toes’, your meta’CARP’als are in your hand, like as in ‘seize’. Without missing a beat, or for that matter thinking, I said, “OK, like in seize a carp”?

carp.jpg

“No Chris, as in the Latin ‘carpe'”

It was at that point I realized sometimes when Amy corrects me I can almost hear the silent “,dumbass.” that replaces the period.

As for Wednesday’s hijinks, my injuries are coming along nicely. The swelling has gone down and the wounds have all scabbed over. Apparently, the same can’t be said for some of the people in attendance. I’ve heard through a rumor mill that I might have pissed a few people off with comments I shared throughout the night.

I can only say, I’m sorry I’m leaving so soon before these people got to hear anything truly offensive instead of the buckets of praise I poured upon that young girl’s loins. If anyone spoke thusly of Amy, I’d hit it twice, HARD, just for them.

OK, this is beginning to piss me off

Murder suspect Eric Burton became a public eyesore at 1:30 p.m. Wednesday when five digital billboards began broadcasting his face across Central Florida.The faces of the region’s most notorious fugitives will reach tens of thousands of motorists daily as part of an advertising push in support of Crimeline, the cash-for-tips crime-fighting program.

“It’s absolutely huge for us,” Crimeline coordinator Barb Bergin said after Orlando Mayor Buddy Dyer and police Chief Val Demings unveiled a billboard mock-up at police headquarters. “The more people who see them, the more cases we can help solve.”

This is just the kind of notoriety that a career criminal needs to continue being a menace to society. In this celebrity culture, what a lofty goal for young scumbags to aspire to one day get their face splashed on a billboard. There is no shame in that game. Good job Buddy, now every young aspiring criminal can think he’s Robin Hood.

Buddy Dyer is running a campaign based on ‘Safer streets’ all while theft and violent crime have spiraled out of control in our ‘City Beautiful’. Obviously he doesn’t live in the same Orlando as the rest of us.

How about instead of scaring residents into defending themselves we have a few more convictions for violent crime, more community policing by motivated cops that can tell the good guys from the bad, and exercise some of that equipment sitting in warehouses bought with Homeland Security money.

What did I do at work today?

I let slip in casual conversation today that I was in the process of securing a house in Durham, NC. The whisper stream in my company took approximately five minutes for this information to reach the company’s president. He asked me when exactly I planned on leaving and then showed me a description of my job, a description that certainly didn’t exist when I started.

I spent the day revising and streamlining this description to something that could be posted online to find a replacement. I finally was able to trim it just under four pages as soon as I had deleted under ‘Duties’ the following:

“Integration Manager will provide CEO with daily anal tongue bath”

Anyone want a job?

What did I learn this weekend?

I’ve become abysmally bad at maintaining websites and spotting transsexuals.

Thankfully it only cost me having to start this website from the beginning with no backup.

It could have been much worse…

I’ll let you use your imagination.

OK, maybe that isn’t such a good idea… perverts.