So for the last few years I’ve been trying to ‘sexy up’ female scientists. We’re inundated constantly with images of moronic Real Jersey Kardashian Housewife sluts. Not one of them I would even trust to bake a pi (see what I did there). But seriously, if we want to see smarter women, we have to make it less appealing to be stupid. That’s why I love finding female scientists and try to find their sexy side.
But what happens when a scientist is already sexying up her science? Well it just makes my job that much easier.
Meet Natalia Avseenko, a crazy Russian diver who works naked with Beluga whales, yeah sure the whales are already nekkid, which is what makes it hot, whales are total nudists. She’s not particularly know as a scientist, but you might know her for holding the World’s Record for freediving without fins or weights at 57 meters. Jean Reno eat your heart out.
Now I’m not sure if this is an example of Marine Biologist humor, but these scientists had convinced Natalia that Beluga Whales don’t like the feeling of synthetic materials against their skin (who does?), so if she wanted to swim within touching distance, she was gonna have to drop trou, oh did I mention that Belugas typically only hang out in water that is best described as ‘ARCTIC’. Yeah, I’m guessing she coulda cut diamonds with those nips. Now that’s a video her Russian yoga beau shoulda threw on Youtube.
Natalia is a professor of Cross-Cultural Communications at Moscow State University. I’m thinking she’s seeking more Cross-SPECIES Communications with her forays into the Deep Blue and that language is the Language of LOVE. I get the impression that Russians love getting nekkid for a good cause. American women could learn a lot from these Slavic Sluts (of course I mean that in the most endearing way, I mean who doesn’t love sluts?).
That is when one of the single hottest scientists I’ve EVER seen shows up on your doorstep with a mobile phased array radar.
I give you Dr. Karen Ann Kosiba and her hot, throbbing X Banned Penetrating R-ADAR
A little background on our Hot Doctor Twister Tester. She’s a good midwestern girl, gaining her undergraduate degree in Chicago before running off to the wiles of Ohio for her post grad work, she started doing field work at CSWR towards her PhD in 2003 and finally completed her PhD in 2009 as one of the esteemed Boilermakers of Purdue U. The title of her
Her dissertation is entitled: A Comparison of Radar Observations to Real Data Simulations of Axisymmetric Tornadoes, it’s obviously an analysis of the axisymmetric three-dimensional wind field in a tornado using mobile radar observations. Sounds exciting and I’m sure it’s full of fancy colorful animations of vortexes which are best viewed under the influence of hallucinogenics.
Fun Fact: Purdue University has produced 22 astronauts including Neil Armstrong.
Dr. Karen is now a senior meteorologist with the Center for Severe Weather Research, Boulder, Colorado.
She sounds of angels, here’s some video of her being passionate!
OK, one more, does she ever stop smiling? I just want to put her in my pocket for a rainy day, especially if there is a chance of tornadoes.
Good catch recently by the Renaissance Man, Big Mike Davis. He asked if I could include Dr. Tracy Caldwell Dyson to our ever growing list of Hot Scientists. I was happy to oblige after reading up on this certifiable rocket scientist. We’ve been checking out Hot Scientists for a few years now. Some of them, more hot than others, but nothing is hotter than a Hot Astronaut Scientist. The idea of her lady bits floating about in microgravity makes at least part of me defy gravity.
Dr. Dyson received her PhD in Chemistry from UC Davis. It’s apparent that by Chemistry, we’re talking Sex Appeal, I mean how many pictures of people in spacesuits make you want to crawl in there with them? She could be the only person that can make Mass Spectrometer sound erotic.
This Aggie first made it to space on STS 118 back in 2007 which rendezvoused with the ISS. She already had a taste for borscht from years of training in Russia so when the Russians offered her a ride back up to the ISS for an extended vacation that included more spacewalking than Michael Jackson. She spent nearly6 months floating about ‘experimenting’ like some UConn Sorority girl.
This hot brainiac was bringing sexy back to the International Space Station. I can’t be sure, but if there was anyone who would know what the ‘beast with two backs’ looks like in space, I’m thinking it’s this sexy scientist.
Yeah she’s married, but she could be just a beard for her Navy pilot husband, because Tom Cruise outed Navy pilots everywhere after Top Gun, I mean come on, his partner was GOOSE. Anyway, I’m sure she would be more than happy to answer all these questions since she is on the lecture circuit and you would be remiss not to bring this up.
In other news, I’ve decided to make it easier to tell me how horrible I am as a person. I’ve established the Uberbastard Hotline!
You can call me anytime @ (919) 228-UBER (8237). Ask questions of the Right Reverend Uberbastard and they will be answered!
I’m sorry for not giving you more Hot Scientists to drool over, it seems like the more I unearth, the more well-composed, nasty, anonymous emails I get saying I haven’t acknowledged the hotness of some other female scientist. Well I promise to give you more, I have a few special lady Docs for the near future. Stay Tuned.
She’s a prolific writer now but started her career working in the Astronaut Training Program @ Johnson Space Center. These days she helps other writers with retreats to help you discover the closeted fanfic author within or next SYFY channel movie writer (if you can tell them apart). And could possibly be the foremost authority on bumping uglies in space without actually having been there.
I was anonymously chastised recently for not keeping up to date with the latest Hot Scientists. Truth is I’ve been very busy with work, buying a new home and pursuing my own degree, so please people, give me a damned break. I didn’t even think people read this tripe.
Regardless, apparently the latest científico caliente is a hot Material Scientist named Neri Oxman. She’s a PhD out of MIT with a specialty in some kind of adaptive material design, she’s so specialized she had to create her own vocabulary, her new word… Materialecology. What does that mean? As far as I can figure it means she has a Doctorate in Beanbag Chairs. That’s OK though, because I understand that UConn is giving out PhD’s in Comic Books . Personally, I’m planning my dissertation around seducing seafood… not the seductive nature of seafood, but rather the practice of shellfish seduction.
So in closing and in the interest of continuing the theme from this year’s World Science Fest, the closest nekkidness I could find with a common name was the Italian Scream Queen, Rosalba Neri. Enjoy and I promise more Hot Scientist Babes in the near future…
Performance Art in Assholery
Never have sex with anyone that doesn't want it as much as you.