Category Archives: Geek


OK, an anonymous person who may or may not be googling herself, let me know in no uncertain terms that the government of our great land of milk and honey, our bastion of freedom in a swirling abyss of anarchy, may not take kindly to some strange fat man expressing interest in any government scientists, especially while using the word ‘stalk’, even in jest.

So for the record… I, nor any of my many fictional personas, have ever actively stalked or participated in any stalking, real or imaginary. Furthermore, I promise to discurage anyone from showing any interest in scientists or Science in general. I will actively encourage everyone to run to church, renounce all reason and good sense, get baptized, and grab your “God Hates Fags” sign while protesting at soldiers’ funerals. This I would do to make sure that everyone knows I have no interest in stalking government scientists.

However if you aren’t convinced, and you wish to interogate my friends with any waterboarding techniques or any other Executive approved torture methods, they would all concur that I am the least likely person in America to be fixated any longer than it takes to look up someone on Google. However, I whole-heartedly encourage you to try, I will be more than happy to supply you with a list of people who I consider my bestest friends and deserve some serious water-boarding.

(FOR THE RECORD I AM NOT) Stalking Amy Mainzer, Astrophysicist

It’s (NOT) true, I (HAVE NOT) taken to internerd stalking… I guess this is what happens when I don’t have a bar to drink at and take to scotching it up in front of the intertubes. I imagine I’m pretty harmless as a stalker since I have the attention span of a squirrel. It will take every bit of concentration just to finish this post.

But seriously, I was watching History Channel’s ‘The Universe’ which I tend to put on for background noise. I’ve learned that it makes almost no sense to discuss astronomy with anyone in the bible belt as most people here have a hard time trying to quantify where their Christian heaven would reside in a universe that extends beyond our own atmosphere.

So as astronomers postulating on the scales of millions of light years droned on, this hot little biscuit came on the screen. Suddenly she was speaking my language.


She tried to spice it up by demonstrating the gas emissions of a quasar with two blowtorches. I’m afraid to admit, I might have had an emission of my own. There was something about a hot female astrophysicist with blowtorches in both hands that made me involuntarily touch myself. I reached climax right about the time she started discussing the dissipation of the accretian disc field of a quasar while holding said blowtorch.

It’s not my fault, girls with blowtorches are HOT!!!

Note scientific example:


However, Hot female Astrophysicists with blowtorches are goddess-life.

So… thank you Amy Mainzer,

for not only making astronomy interesting and easy to digest but also making it…


Damned Sexy!!!

T plus 2 weeks

So after a whirlwind of goodbyes and packing and losing stuff and truck renting and driving through the night with an 18 year old cat howling its brains out for 10 solid hours we got ourselves and most of our shit to our new home in Durham, NC.


And due to our sexy little research area and through the science of Google I have REAL real-time traffic and you can look right in my windows, I couldn’t be more relieved…

We had a going away party of sorts, I appreciate all the people that made it and the few people that wrote to tell me you couldn’t. There were some noticeable absences which were disappointing. But it’s all behind me and I can only appreciate that everyone made our last hurrah a blast and allowed me to escape without much in the way of violence.

So we’re up here still unpacking and both still waiting for our jobs to start and it seems like we might just be waiting until the end of this next month due to the island-like sloth prevalent here. This will surely dry up our savings and make us start tearing the house apart looking for items to Ebay. (I wonder if you can Ebay cats?)

We’ve been exploring the area, here’s what we’ve learned so far:

  • There are 2 kinds of pool halls, one is fucked up by management to maintain a certain kind of clientèle like the legendary Green Room and the other is fucked up by the clientèle like the more infamous Jumpshots . Either way, it’s not a pool hall as far as we’re concerned if it isn’t fucked up.
  • Top of the Hill is a restaurant in Chapel Hill that UNC students take their parents to when visiting. The beer is excellent, but the food will make you wish you ordered your steak at the Waffle House.
  • Cary is a huge suburban sprawl in the corridor between us and Raleigh, it’s said that CARY stands for Containment Area for Relocated Yankees. Needless to say, we’ll be keeping our distance.
  • The locals think the area is overrun with Mexicans, trust me it’s not. However, it does help if you don’t mind the piercing din of tejano music pouring out of 1983 Corolla with a missing a tailpipe.
  • Honey’s Restaurant is 24 hours with free WiFi and is like a cross between Denny’s and Patsio’s, if you don’t know what I mean, it’s a good thing.
  • There is one goth/industrial night at a gay club in Raleigh which reminds me of Ft. Lauderdale 20 years ago.
  • Finally, Bojangle’s has it all over KFC, Church’s and Popeye’s combined.