Category Archives: Geek

Hot Scientist Babe Week

In commemoration of New York’s World Science Festival, I am going to work REALLY hard and pump out a full week of relatively famous hot babe scientists. In the past I have shared my mild fascination and celebrated the attractive women of science to somewhat mixed reviews. Since then I see that others have taken the standard and have run with it. I am proud of their efforts, also I think more scientists should tart it up for us.

As I am a bit of a self proclaimed amateur scientist myself, we’ll be doing a little science here ourselves… using the Scientific Method (of course):

My Science Experiment!!!

Observations:

  • We know most published post-graduate scientists google themselves incessantly
  • We also know the gears and tubes of the internet are solely lubricated with porn

Hypothesis:

  • I will continue to be unappreciated for my sacrifice for science as I expose audiences who thought the sole purpose of the internet was for porn to the exciting world of SCIENCE!!!

Experiment:

  • Each Hot Scientist will be featured in an appealing and positive light.
  • In order to ease searches, each post will be coupled with a nekkid broad with the same first name.
  • Each post will maintain the integrity, brilliance and levity of this satirical author.
  • We will monitor comments and email for death threats and cease and desist orders.

We’ll provide you with our Conclusions after our week full of experiments!

For example:

Joanne Manaster is a Biology professor of some type, she lectures about organelles and all kinds of molecular and tissue science. I know, I’m totally digging her tissue too. Anyway, I’m not sure if she has her PhD, nor do I know if she does any real science but it really doesn’t matter since this is an example and Joanne herself is a gratuitous self promoter. So say hello to her, International Supermodel Scientists need love too.

She should not however be confused with Joanie Laurer, who is gratuitous in several VERY different ways. Although on second thought, not getting confused might be harder than I thought. I mean look at these two, they are EQUALLY HOT! Especially if Ms Laurer is kneeling in fur with a DMB Ameoba bikini slapped on her little Lily Garden. See, I know science too! Bonus: I finally found a use for the Dave Mathews Band

Yup, practically indistinguishable from the other Joanne.

Let the Science BEGIN!!!!

Is this 140 characters or less?.?..

Twitterbound…

30 Rock quote of the day, “Lemon, don’t you have a slanket you should be filling with farts”

I came to bed to hear some BBC pompous English announcers discuss Ben Affleck’s ability as a movie’s potential antagonist, I think I want to stab myself with a spork.

Here is my ass in bed, now.

Is trhis visceral enough for you???

Floridians stop invading my new state!!!

I was going to talk about furries, but I realized they really get enough shit already. Floridians? Not so much.

I have noticed an uncomfortable amount of Florida License Plates up here on the roads these days. And I can tell you I’m not at all happy. I mean I still have friends in Florida (and I miss you all dearly), but I left there to experience ‘not fucking insane’ and honestly, I’ve never felt more at home.

But due to my friends and family, I often keep up on the news in Florida, here are a smattering of headlines from the last few days…

Having read this latest news, I’m not at all sorry I left and if you live in Florida and were truly a friend of mine, you would escape as well before ‘they’ get you, I don’t care where you go, but seriously, FARK dedicated a category to Florida, don’t you get it yet?

In related news, my mother got gay married, or at least as gay married as one can get in Florida. Which brings me to even more disturbing news, the girl and I are planning to get married in Miami this year. She is aiming for September 9th so I don’t forget 09-09-09. Personally, I’d prefer the more binary 10-10-10, not simply because it’s a year farther away but it is the binary number for the answer to life, the universe, and everything. But it appears I can no longer distract her with jewelry. Besides, I gotta make her an honest women before she gets swept away by some hero on OKCupid.

BTW, I recently discovered I have fans, certainly being terribly self-centered I Google myself constantly. Since I have long lived in the shadow of a certain famous Mr. Universe, I find emulation highly flattering. I am however, not at all concerned that my fans appear to be mostly catty Greek queers including this suave fag (warning untethered dicks).

That is all for now…

The Great Humiliator

Today I just graduated from another course in interpersonal communications, no seriously. I have actually committed a great deal of time and other people’s money to the art of communicating effectively.

And I can tell you unequivocally that I am awesome at communicating. I am extremely effective at allowing you to understand my needs and reassuring you of how irrelevant your needs are when we aren’t in agreement. Not to say that your needs aren’t important, they certainly are when they parallel my needs, and of course you want us to both get what we want, don’t you?

As we approach this historical election I find that more and more people feel empowered to try to communicate with me. Why just today, someone who has known me for years expressed how rude and insensitive I was as if they had just realized this today. All this is very novel to me as in the past most people just averted their gaze as I leered at them sexually. I’ve decided that either I’m not creepy enough anymore or I’ve suddenly become sexually attractive to all walks of life and they can no longer ignore me.

It gets worse, this weekend, my company insisted I sit at the State Fair and be the engineer in charge of how ignorant you are of technology (I don’t think that was a title so much as a directive, which is why I didn’t capitalize). People actually approached me with questions. Didn’t anyone tell these people you aren’t suppose to ask engineers questions lest they give you an answer that is outside your vocabulary, is bound to make you feel more stupid and usually involves a huge dent in your wallet. You invite engineers to public events simply to eat your food and as silent props to legitimize your marketing staff.

Not to worry, I used my time communicating productively. I shared the secret that no one need worry about the upcoming ‘digital transition’ that will be taking place February 17th, 2009. As we will simply start broadcasting our advertisements directly to the microchip we had installed in each of your brains.

Have a Nice Day.

Looking for the sake of looking

I’ve started getting emails from concerned folks that NEEEEED to know how I’m doing. My mother even sent me a video email the other day to explain what a poor son I’ve been and how she is becoming an internerd to spite me. A video email?!?!? I know I’m talking about my mother here but no one is attractive on a USB webcam. That is unless you are nekkid, thankfully my mother hasn’t learned this yet.

When I say you have to be nekkid to be even remotely attractive on a webcam. Mind you, I meant YOU, any web nekkidness on my part might be considered an act of terrorism, akin to trying to smuggle more than 3 ounces of toothpaste on a plane.

Now did I miss something or has instant messaging lost its charm? I miss the sheer innocence of convincing some young girl that it’s her great idea to remove her shirt and fondle her funbags. I mean everybody is twittering what they are doing like masturbating with Tourette’s, I don’t think anyone’s listening to you. I may be just as guilty of that one… the masturbating that is… to hot midget erotic models… maybe.

Recently I spent a little time exploring all these social networking sites that are bookmarked on my computer. I’ve watched the evolution of social networking and every site claims more people and more features, but I have to admit the most fun recently has been OKCupid. Originally called “The Spark” the online IQ test was their claim to fame. The girl and I mostly log on now hunting unicorns. I know how mythical that creature can be so I’ve settled just to find a few like-minded folks to have the occasional beer and spirited conversation…. A much less elusive endeavor.

So um, yeah… I’m going to need your screenname, please slip into something more comfortable…