Basketball is a Final Four letter word

You only have to look at me to know I don’t have much interest in sports and basketball least of all. This is mostly due to the effects of gravity on fat, creepy, old men (I found out recently among cute little coeds, I might qualify)

Amy, a Michigan native and rabid Pistons fan, has been forcing me to become acquainted with the game in the least obtrusive way by putting the games on the radio. With Sirius we have the ‘advantage’ of picking from several games, not that I would know what an exciting game is… that is until I started listening to the sexual undertones in the color commentary.

I knew that sports have always been a haven for rampant homosexuality, but it wasn’t until this Final Four Playoffs did I find out how dirty it could be, and how colorfully these perverted announcers speak of this young men’s sport.

It all starts with talk of “Double-teaming” and “Triple-teaming”, “Penetrating the ‘red zone'”, “feeding the ball”, “getting the ball inside”, “man on man coverage” all kinds of violations of “the hole” including slamming, dunking or the relatively innocuous “going to the hole”. Nevermind ‘the rim’, “Reach-in fouls around the rim” “planting under the rim”, let’s just say there seems to be an abundance of rim play of all kinds…

And I don’t think I have to explain the profane offenses against men by the the names Butts or Cox.

I’m glad we’ll soon be over all this gayness and moving into Summer for more manly sports where they aren’t afraid of the feeling of spandex against their tanned, rippling, muscular thighs, glistening with sweat…