All posts by uberbastard

Hot Scientist du Jour, Natalia Avseenko

So for the last few years I’ve been trying to ‘sexy up’ female scientists. We’re inundated constantly with images of moronic Real Jersey Kardashian Housewife sluts. Not one of them I would even trust to bake a pi (see what I did there). But seriously, if we want to see smarter women, we have to make it less appealing to be stupid. That’s why I love finding female scientists and try to find their sexy side.

But what happens when a scientist is already sexying up her science? Well it just makes my job that much easier.

Meet Natalia Avseenko, a crazy Russian diver who works naked with Beluga whales, yeah sure the whales are already nekkid, which is what makes it hot, whales are total nudists. She’s not particularly know as a scientist, but you might know her for holding the World’s Record for freediving without fins or weights at 57 meters. Jean Reno eat your heart out.

Now I’m not sure if this is an example of Marine Biologist humor, but these scientists had convinced Natalia that Beluga Whales don’t like the feeling of synthetic materials against their skin (who does?), so if she wanted to swim within touching distance, she was gonna have to drop trou, oh did I mention that Belugas typically only hang out in water that is best described as ‘ARCTIC’. Yeah, I’m guessing she coulda cut diamonds with those nips. Now that’s a video her Russian yoga beau shoulda threw on Youtube.

Natalia is a professor of Cross-Cultural Communications at Moscow State University. I’m thinking she’s seeking more Cross-SPECIES Communications with her forays into the Deep Blue and that language is the Language of LOVE. I get the impression that Russians love getting nekkid for a good cause. American women could learn a lot from these Slavic Sluts (of course I mean that in the most endearing way, I mean who doesn’t love sluts?).


Hot Scientist du Jour, Dr. Karen Kosiba

There is only one thing that is better than Googling Hot Scientists and checking out their bodies… of work.

That is when one of the single hottest scientists I’ve EVER seen shows up on your doorstep with a mobile phased array radar.

I give you Dr. Karen Ann Kosiba and her hot, throbbing X Banned Penetrating R-ADAR

Dr. Karen and her Penetrating Radar
Hand ‘VORTEXed’ to protect the innocent


A little background on our Hot Doctor Twister Tester.  She’s a good midwestern girl, gaining her undergraduate degree in Chicago before running off to the wiles of Ohio for her post grad work, she started doing field work at CSWR towards her PhD in 2003 and finally completed her PhD in 2009 as one of the esteemed Boilermakers of Purdue U. The title of her

Her dissertation is entitled: A Comparison of Radar Observations to Real Data Simulations of Axisymmetric Tornadoes, it’s obviously an analysis of the axisymmetric three-dimensional wind field in a tornado using mobile radar observations. Sounds exciting and I’m sure it’s full of fancy colorful animations of vortexes which are best viewed under the influence of hallucinogenics.

Fun Fact: Purdue University has produced 22 astronauts including Neil Armstrong.

Dr. Karen is now a senior meteorologist with the Center for Severe Weather Research, Boulder, Colorado.

She sounds of angels, here’s some video of her being passionate!

OK, one more, does she ever stop smiling? I just want to put her in my pocket for a rainy day, especially if there is a chance of tornadoes.

She’s been on tour promoting the IMAX movie “Tornado Alley” which has been premiering around the country.

Sorry to be so short but I need to go, I’m plotting some turbulence in my pants…

Hot Scientist du Jour, Tracy Caldwell Dyson

Good catch recently by the Renaissance Man, Big Mike Davis. He asked if I could include Dr. Tracy Caldwell Dyson to our ever growing list of Hot Scientists. I was happy to oblige after reading up on this certifiable rocket scientist. We’ve been checking out Hot Scientists for a few years now. Some of them, more hot than others, but nothing is hotter than a Hot Astronaut Scientist. The idea of her lady bits floating about in microgravity makes at least part of me defy gravity.

Dr. Dyson received her PhD in Chemistry from UC Davis. It’s apparent that by Chemistry, we’re talking Sex Appeal, I mean how many pictures of people in spacesuits make you want to crawl in there with them? She could be the only person that can make Mass Spectrometer sound erotic.

Dr. Tracy Caldwell Dyson

This Aggie first made it to space on STS 118 back in 2007 which rendezvoused with the ISS. She already had a taste for borscht from years of training in Russia so when the Russians offered her a ride back up to the ISS for an extended vacation that included more spacewalking than Michael Jackson. She spent nearly6 months floating about ‘experimenting’ like some UConn Sorority girl.

This hot brainiac was bringing sexy back to the International Space Station.  I can’t be sure, but if there was anyone who would know what the ‘beast with two backs’ looks like in space, I’m thinking it’s this sexy scientist.

Yeah she’s married, but she could be just a beard for her Navy pilot husband, because Tom Cruise outed Navy pilots everywhere after Top Gun, I mean come on, his partner was GOOSE. Anyway, I’m sure she would be more than happy to answer all these questions since she is on the lecture circuit and you would be remiss not to bring this up.

In other news, I’ve decided to make it easier to tell me how horrible I am as a person. I’ve established the Uberbastard Hotline!

You can call me anytime @ (919) 228-UBER (8237). Ask questions of the Right Reverend Uberbastard and they will be answered!

Razing Arizona

I know you were expecting me to clown around but we have a real problem in our society today. We have pundits and antagonists from every political angle blaming one another for society’s ills and inciting angry no-nothing sociopaths to try and fix a slow watch with a sledgehammer. But  I learned in Kindergarten that the kids that point fingers are usually just as guilty. Well, we dug our own Foxhole, we’re served over-simplified answers easier than Google and we get it wrapped up with easy to read graphics like USA Today. If someone tries to wrap up a complex issue with no evidence and a fancy sound bite, you should ask them if their conviction is so strong that they would felate you if they’re wrong. It seems to me the people that are busy solving our ‘ills’ don’t have time to make talking points.

More so, there is a segment of our population that feel they should be treated like snowflakes, fragile and one-of-a-kind. Well I have GREAT NEWS for you! You are a unique snowflake… Just like every other snowflake. Everyone is the first one to do something or other at some point in their life and further more they are the first one to do ANYTHING by their perspective and that’s what this is about after all isn’t it, your perspective. Seems to me even with access to the whole of this world’s knowledge at one’s fingertips , it’s not going to make you any less of an asshole.

Jared Loughner makes a lousy Taxi Driver

I’m not going to mention either one of these fame-seeking shitbirds’ names just to avoid the Google’d traffic, but I’m surprised the media hasn’t jumped on the Taxi Driver corollary. Maybe it’s the fear of unleashing a torrent of closeted Travis Bickle’s who would swear they thought of it first.  I just wish that mugshot was taken after he discovered that Representative Giffords would survive so we aren’t left with the pretentious smirk of an idiot that thought he succeeded instead of the disappointed scowl that must be on his face today.

Hot Scientist du Jour, Jeanne Cavelos

I’m sorry for not giving you more Hot Scientists to drool over, it seems like the more I unearth, the more well-composed, nasty, anonymous emails I get saying I haven’t acknowledged the hotness of some other female scientist. Well I promise to give you more, I have a few special lady Docs for the near future. Stay Tuned.

Well enough of this, today’s siren of science is Jeanne Cavelos. I’m breaking my own rules here but I thought this fun-loving astrophysicist was worth mentioning despite not having the usual requisite PhD behind her name. By her own description she’s a writer, editor, scientist, teacher and rampant herpiphile. She might be, but if you’re looking for an abstract of her work in astrophysics, you might have more luck in the Science Fiction section of your local Borders. You see, those interesting people into pulp novels based on SciFi TV series and fan/fic or whatever it’s called these days might be more familiar with her work. 

She’s a prolific writer now but started her career working in the Astronaut Training Program @ Johnson Space Center. These days she helps other writers with retreats to help you discover the closeted fanfic author within or next SYFY channel movie writer (if you can tell them apart). And could possibly be the foremost authority on bumping uglies in space without actually having been there.