Turkey Day Craptacular

Have you ever had a crap so large, undulating and amazing that you suffer postpartum depression when it was over? This morning was one such dump. I cried in the car on my way to work as I reminisced our time together. I’m still reeling from the loss. I named her Nessy. I had to, the little three-flusher had humps poking out of the bog and a head so quizzical I thought she might try to leap out of the bowl.

The girl and I celebrated Thanksgiving Day on Wednesday as we often celebrate holidays whenever we damned well feel like it. Since we typically work holidays and I believe they are mostly drummed up just to make you buy things, I figure we should try to reschedule them when it’s cheaper and more convenient. For example, Valentine’s Day is usually celebrated around February 16th when all the candy is on the clearance shelf, Independence Day is usually celebrated immediately after a trip to South Of The Border and as Peter Murphy declared everyday is Halloween.

I’m sorry if I am a little off, I’m writing this from work. Usually I am way too busy at work with ACTUAL WORK to be thinking up stupid things to fill the Intertubes. I find my job rather rewarding and I like ending the week knowing I’ve earned my peanuts. But working holidays is sort of a big fuck off. The day after Thanksgiving is even worse since it’s not a holiday, yet most people just blow it off to make it into a 4 day weekend. So I have decided to declare the Friday after Thanksgiving an official holiday which we will celebrate by sitting at work and doing absolutely nothing, I think we’ll officially call it Fuck Off Day.

So to everyone I wish you a…

Happy Fuck Off Day!!