The Great Humiliator

Today I just graduated from another course in interpersonal communications, no seriously. I have actually committed a great deal of time and other people’s money to the art of communicating effectively.

And I can tell you unequivocally that I am awesome at communicating. I am extremely effective at allowing you to understand my needs and reassuring you of how irrelevant your needs are when we aren’t in agreement. Not to say that your needs aren’t important, they certainly are when they parallel my needs, and of course you want us to both get what we want, don’t you?

As we approach this historical election I find that more and more people feel empowered to try to communicate with me. Why just today, someone who has known me for years expressed how rude and insensitive I was as if they had just realized this today. All this is very novel to me as in the past most people just averted their gaze as I leered at them sexually. I’ve decided that either I’m not creepy enough anymore or I’ve suddenly become sexually attractive to all walks of life and they can no longer ignore me.

It gets worse, this weekend, my company insisted I sit at the State Fair and be the engineer in charge of how ignorant you are of technology (I don’t think that was a title so much as a directive, which is why I didn’t capitalize). People actually approached me with questions. Didn’t anyone tell these people you aren’t suppose to ask engineers questions lest they give you an answer that is outside your vocabulary, is bound to make you feel more stupid and usually involves a huge dent in your wallet. You invite engineers to public events simply to eat your food and as silent props to legitimize your marketing staff.

Not to worry, I used my time communicating productively. I shared the secret that no one need worry about the upcoming ‘digital transition’ that will be taking place February 17th, 2009. As we will simply start broadcasting our advertisements directly to the microchip we had installed in each of your brains.

Have a Nice Day.

Race for the wha?

Yesterday was the last Presidential debate, but you wouldn’t know it if you watched the news. Those candidates playing off each other’s talking points all day last week, it was like they were debating in the same room from different scenic backdrops.

I received four different over-sized glossy mailers today. I was averaging one a day for the last few weeks, but today I was inundated. It irks me because you can’t even put this trash in the fireplace as it burns a noxious green flame with all its toxic colored glossiness.

I lost interest when I found out that McCain had invited Governor Palin to be his running mate. I wasn’t a fan of any particular candidate, but the one thing I thought for sure is that John McCain was taking this election deadly serious. If for a second I was deluded that the Presidential election was about picking the best person for the job, it had been shattered at that moment.

Perhaps I’m just retarded, it’s often difficult to understand economies of scale. The same methods you use to pay your bills every month are certainly not in effect when a country’s lease becomes due. Everyone mentions this $700,000,000,000 bailout as if it was business as usual. All I see is people being rewarded for being irresponsible. I didn’t take out a sub-prime mortgage because I knew it was a bad idea. I’m not ‘banker saavy’, shit I can’t even be bothered to balance my own bank account but one thing I know is I wouldn’t give my spare change to the people these fucking morons were giving 110% mortgages to for overvalued property. I guess we really don’t know that this was the largest step away from our founding fathers we’ve taken since FDR’s New Deal. All as we wondered who would take care of Palin’s retarded offspring.

One thing to note is with a Democratic Congress, Obama could relive those post-depression epic 100 days and cement a place in history as the man who made us more socialized than the ever maligned French. I suppose that beats the four year stalemate you would experience under a McCain/Palin regime. But then who’s got time for congress when you have wars to wage in Russia and Iran.

Global Warming is making Canada more attractive every year.