Days Inn can suck a dick

If I never spend another night in a Days Inn it won’t be too soon. This last overnighter in Winston-Salem was way worse than any previous night.

What was so bad?

Previously to last night it was a warm February night in North Florida. They were so adamant about not getting pet hair on the comforter after paying their exorbitant pet deposit, I didn’t realize it would interfere with the human pubic hair farming they were already conducting on their comforters.

Last night, the bed was so hard I thought I had drank too much and ended up on the floor again. How did I know I was still on the bed? It was only slightly less sticky than the floor.

I called down to cancel the rest of the week, but had to go down to the desk because they couldn’t hear me over the pathetic groan of the air conditioner. I tried to explain my distaste to the front desk clerk, her response was a simple “I’m sorry to hear that” which sounded more like “What the fuck do you expect for $55?”.

Days Inn, may your business center have ‘tubgirl’ made a permanent screensaver!

Drinking the Koolaid

I just got back in town from three days of intensive training on how to support Apple Computers without the use of a hammer. Steve Jobs has no sense of humor when it comes to performance art.

The experience was just like being in those Mac commercials, a non-stop emo geek masturbatory fantasy with the small difference  that John Hodgeson was a hostile 350 lb asshole in combat boots, swinging an aluminum folding chair like a WWE headliner. I fear that was my best behavior. You see, there was every brand of Apple geek in attendence, brandishing their slim little iphones and expensive thrift store style and shaggy textured haircuts.

After three days I might concede to wanting one, but I fear if just one emo douchebag walked¬† by and commented on how cool I was I’d probably fling the slim little powerhouse in an attempt to decapitate the pretentious fucker like OddJob in that James Bond movie. Noone ever thinks my Dell is badass.

The one thing I did learn over the last three days is if you eat here….

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You will be getting exactly what they advertise.

Excuse me, I gotta make a run to the ‘library’.