(FOR THE RECORD I AM NOT) Stalking Amy Mainzer, Astrophysicist

It’s (NOT) true, I (HAVE NOT)┬átaken to internerd stalking… I guess this is what happens when I don’t have a bar to drink at and take to scotching it up in front of the intertubes. I imagine I’m pretty harmless as a stalker since I have the attention span of a squirrel. It will take every bit of concentration just to finish this post.

But seriously, I was watching History Channel’s ‘The Universe’ which I tend to put on for background noise. I’ve learned that it makes almost no sense to discuss astronomy with anyone in the bible belt as most people here have a hard time trying to quantify where their Christian heaven would reside in a universe that extends beyond our own atmosphere.

So as astronomers postulating on the scales of millions of light years droned on, this hot little biscuit came on the screen. Suddenly she was speaking my language.

mainzer.jpg

She tried to spice it up by demonstrating the gas emissions of a quasar with two blowtorches. I’m afraid to admit, I might have had an emission of my own. There was something about a hot female astrophysicist with blowtorches in both hands that made me involuntarily touch myself. I reached climax right about the time she started discussing the dissipation of the accretian disc field of a quasar while holding said blowtorch.

It’s not my fault, girls with blowtorches are HOT!!!

Note scientific example:

girlblowtorch.jpg

However, Hot female Astrophysicists with blowtorches are goddess-life.

So… thank you Amy Mainzer,

for not only making astronomy interesting and easy to digest but also making it…

mainzer2.jpg

Damned Sexy!!!

Basketball is a Final Four letter word

You only have to look at me to know I don’t have much interest in sports and basketball least of all. This is mostly due to the effects of gravity on fat, creepy, old men (I found out recently among cute little coeds, I might qualify)

Amy, a Michigan native and rabid Pistons fan, has been forcing me to become acquainted with the game in the least obtrusive way by putting the games on the radio. With Sirius we have the ‘advantage’ of picking from several games, not that I would know what an exciting game is… that is until I started listening to the sexual undertones in the color commentary.

I knew that sports have always been a haven for rampant homosexuality, but it wasn’t until this Final Four Playoffs did I find out how dirty it could be, and how colorfully these perverted announcers speak of this young men’s sport.

It all starts with talk of “Double-teaming” and “Triple-teaming”, “Penetrating the ‘red zone'”, “feeding the ball”, “getting the ball inside”, “man on man coverage” all kinds of violations of “the hole” including slamming, dunking or the relatively innocuous “going to the hole”. Nevermind ‘the rim’, “Reach-in fouls around the rim” “planting under the rim”, let’s just say there seems to be an abundance of rim play of all kinds…

And I don’t think I have to explain the profane offenses against men by the the names Butts or Cox.

I’m glad we’ll soon be over all this gayness and moving into Summer for more manly sports where they aren’t afraid of the feeling of spandex against their tanned, rippling, muscular thighs, glistening with sweat…