North Carolina vs. Florida

I started work today, I can’t tell you where, let’s just say it’s a state secret. I walked in the door and looked around for someone to tell me who I was reporting to and who was my supervisor. This in turn led to everyone thinking I was their personal “do boy”. I learned a lesson by the end of the day, just about the time the janitor was handing me a mop and either was teaching me to swabbing the deck or was recalling his time as a Mexican golf pro, I’m sorry, senor, I don’t habla Manuel Labour.

People keep on asking me how it is up here so here’s a few more observations about the difference between North Carolina and Florida.

  • Co-op is a lifestyle in North Carolina, from veggies to beer and coffee.
  • Florida food tastes freeze dried and vacuum packed by comparison now.
  • Basketball is like breathing in North Carolina, don’t even ask ‘who’s playing?’
  • There is no FARK category for North Carolina
  • Seasons in North Carolina: 4 In Florida: 2
  • The best friend I’ve met in North Carolina collects TRACTORS as a HOBBY
  • And finally, in North Carolina, when you leave your car on the side of the road, the state troopers call your mother 3 states away to see if you are OK.

I know I’ve been wane to write anything recently for any number of reasons, sometimes you’re so busy living you forget the importance of recounting the details. Besides I doubt there is an audience for my particular brand of idiocy anymore. But then I’m reminded that not only am I incredibly funny and intelligent… but according to popular opinion, also DEAD SEXY!!!

Top 10% DEAD SEXY… I understand your desire to mount me right now, I’m flattered now please take a number… NOW SERVING 47… 47!!!

Mythical Creatures

Settling in comfortably in North Carolina. We’ve been making friends everywhere we go. Some of the circumstances might seem a little ridiculous like two weeks ago as we were in World Market one of the clerks had commented on my leather jacket saying he never had one, so I took it off and let him try it on. Amy smiled and I told the kid to keep it. He practically chased me out of the store thanking me but what he didn’t know is when I put it on earlier Amy had said she didn’t like the way it hung on me. I’m sure the eBay queen will find a suitable replacement for next to nothing.

We haven’t made any real regular friends, despite knowing a few people upon arriving here, but this takes time for both of us, we’re very finicky when it comes to those. We’ve trolled Myspace and Craigslist to get an idea about the folks around town but we’ve made very few intros that way. We both came across a cute little girl on Myspace and messaged her only to be accused of trying to get her in bed. She might have read into my note a little but I’d be lying if the idea of having another girl with Amy hadn’t crossed my mind, especially one that I didn’t mind playing with as well.

Which started me thinking about that most elusive beast, the unicorn, a single girl that is interested in dating a couple in some manor or another while not disrupting the harmony of the first relationship. Although Amy talks about it, she doesn’t think this beast exists. I’ve watched these relationships work at least as well as mine have in the past but like everything I don’t think it’s something you look for, they just sort of happen. Personally, I’d just like to know that Amy has someone to share the limitless affection that seems to go wasted in comparison to my seeming stoicism.


Speaking of mythical beasts, after several years and a total of nearly 292,000 miles, the Grey Car (shown above in a condition I never knew) finally fell victim to a collapsed transmission. Her engine was still running strong as she slowly slipped in and out during the last few days until she finally lost all power in North Carolina at Mile Marker 289 on I-40. Her parts are to be distributed to other worthy Luminas still among the living, donated to a worthy tow truck operator to help out his sister. When I brought it into the service station to confirm the death, they said there is no such thing as a Lumina with 292,000 miles, so I had to show them the beast. This car lived at least two lifetimes and owed no one a thing.

Rest in Peace.

T plus 2 weeks

So after a whirlwind of goodbyes and packing and losing stuff and truck renting and driving through the night with an 18 year old cat howling its brains out for 10 solid hours we got ourselves and most of our shit to our new home in Durham, NC.


And due to our sexy little research area and through the science of Google I have REAL real-time traffic and you can look right in my windows, I couldn’t be more relieved…

We had a going away party of sorts, I appreciate all the people that made it and the few people that wrote to tell me you couldn’t. There were some noticeable absences which were disappointing. But it’s all behind me and I can only appreciate that everyone made our last hurrah a blast and allowed me to escape without much in the way of violence.

So we’re up here still unpacking and both still waiting for our jobs to start and it seems like we might just be waiting until the end of this next month due to the island-like sloth prevalent here. This will surely dry up our savings and make us start tearing the house apart looking for items to Ebay. (I wonder if you can Ebay cats?)

We’ve been exploring the area, here’s what we’ve learned so far:

  • There are 2 kinds of pool halls, one is fucked up by management to maintain a certain kind of clientèle like the legendary Green Room and the other is fucked up by the clientèle like the more infamous Jumpshots . Either way, it’s not a pool hall as far as we’re concerned if it isn’t fucked up.
  • Top of the Hill is a restaurant in Chapel Hill that UNC students take their parents to when visiting. The beer is excellent, but the food will make you wish you ordered your steak at the Waffle House.
  • Cary is a huge suburban sprawl in the corridor between us and Raleigh, it’s said that CARY stands for Containment Area for Relocated Yankees. Needless to say, we’ll be keeping our distance.
  • The locals think the area is overrun with Mexicans, trust me it’s not. However, it does help if you don’t mind the piercing din of tejano music pouring out of 1983 Corolla with a missing a tailpipe.
  • Honey’s Restaurant is 24 hours with free WiFi and is like a cross between Denny’s and Patsio’s, if you don’t know what I mean, it’s a good thing.
  • There is one goth/industrial night at a gay club in Raleigh which reminds me of Ft. Lauderdale 20 years ago.
  • Finally, Bojangle’s has it all over KFC, Church’s and Popeye’s combined.