Uberbastard.com

Dear Sirs,

When I first got Sirius I always commented that the one thing it was missing was a regular Industrial/Punk channel like XM. I was elated when Sirius started a Punk channel and thought it was some kind of practical joke when just a few months in, it became the AC/DC channel. WTF!!

Then, when XM joined Sirius, I thought that we would finally see XM’s industrial/goth/punk catalog mated to Sirius and we would have a channel dedicated to this genre and provide some reprieve beyond the smattering of songs on Faction between the endless insipid yapping and the token show on Sunday nights at 10PM on 1st Wave.

I don’t tend to write in complaints but I guess this has finally seethed to the surface, I know I can’t be the only one. Please give this silent group something of our own and consider a some kind of dedicated goth/industrial/punk channel, I know there is no shortage of material on your Prophet system.

Thank you,
CHRIS

Dr. Fiorella Terenzi is an astronomer who doesn’t fit into the usual mold of sky-gazers. So much so I had to ask myself “Is she for real?” She must be since you can buy 8″ X 10″ glossies of her face on her website. That’s right, another gratuitous self-promoter, but I guess you need to hawk everything you can to keep up her jet-setting lifestyle.

I mean SERIOUSLY! Who does she think she is, Buckaroo Bonzai? She runs around the world playing scientist, kung fu artist, recording artist, and social diva. She keeps company with celebrities and has composed with the likes of Herbie Hancock and Thomas Dolby, even Timothy Leary has drank this girl’s Koolaid.

She is relatively famous for making astronomy an aural experience, taking the spectral measurements of space and translating them to sound.

As for the experimental nekkidness there is only one Fiorella that can match the personality of this astronomer and do it bare-assed. That is the surreal Fiorella Saeda, she has the out-of-this-world features that compliment this otherworldly scientist.

I hope you enjoyed the World Science Festival and thank you for taking part in this experiment…

When you discuss String Theory, which I’m sure you do on rainy Saturday afternoons, you can’t go long before discussing the work of Dr. Amanda Peet. She’s one of the new school of theorists that believe we are actually all holograms, here are her notes on the idea. Don’t laugh, it’s still at least as plausible as a zombie christ born of a virgin mother.

Dr. Peet is a little camera shy, and I’m sure this picture doesn’t do her justice. However, I know within that mousey exterior lies a real sexy tiger, ready to pounce. And pounce she does, like I, she is an ardent supporter of women in science as such I’m sure she would be excited about having an Erdos-Bacon number approaching Danica_McKellar. Of course that’s based on Dr. Amanda Peet having the same name as the castrating bitch from the movie “Saving Silverman”.

That brings us to the nekkid part, as the other Amanda Peet is far less shy, there are several naughty pics to choose from. The comic is from the geeks over at Abstruse Goose with a little photochopping literary license on my part. .

There is some irony to this however as there is an active child vaccination feud between actress Amanda Peet and one Jenny McCarthy, who I had mentioned with regards to metallurgist hottie, Jennifer McCarty. I’ll tell you right now, the girl with the gun above is definitely the more rational.

When I first started checking out Dr. Newman for this experiment, I had flashbacks to Buck Rogers and the hot little Captain Dearing, not because they look anything alike but it was the first time I thought of space as potentially sexy (well OK I lied, there were those Orion slave girls on Star Trek).

You see Dr. Newman is a Professor of Aeronautics and Astronautics and Engineering Systems at MIT and her thrust is making space or extraterrestrial suits more functional and form fitting. End result, She’s well on her way to making space SEXY, just like Erin Grey!

Example 1:

This is Dr. Dava in her Sexy Space Suit, now if you’re thinking like me, you are wondering how do you pee in this thing. If you aren’t thinking like me you are wondering if she plans on wearing her Asics sneakers on Mars.

Now I know I promised a sexy nekkid girl with the same first name, but I guess there aren’t a lot of women named Dava running out and getting nekkid on the web. So instead I give you hot Vulcan scientist Jolene Blalock riding Buck Roger’s Ship.

If that’s not sexy enough, call management.

Today’s Hot Scientist is Kirsten Sanford, holds a B.S. in Conservation Biology and a Ph.D. in Molecular, Cellular and Integrative Physiology from U.C. Davis. Now when I say that Dr. Sanford is busy, it is no exaggeration. She’s a radio host, a contributer to The Skeptic Blog, and supposedly is producing her own web TV Show. Dr. Kiki isn’t trapped in some lab clinking beakers together, she is getting out and putting a pretty face on neuroscience. And what a pretty face it is…

But seriously I should probably put up a more flattering picture because Dr. Kiki isn’t just a hot ass Brain Brainiac, she’s also a black belt in Tae Kwon Do and would probably love to beat me up. (I would let her, I hear TKD artists are really flexible, rawr.)

But we’re here about the science and Dr Kiki is too, she regularly hosts a radio show called “This Week in Science” which isn’t as dry as it sounds. Check it out, she’s as fun as she looks!

Now for the obligatory nudity! Here’s some irony… There is this hot strawberry blonde who is running around the web showing the world where she keeps her extra brains with the same name, Kiki Sanford.

Imagine that…

In commemoration of New York’s World Science Festival, I am going to work REALLY hard and pump out a full week of relatively famous hot babe scientists. In the past I have shared my mild fascination and celebrated the attractive women of science to somewhat mixed reviews. Since then I see that others have taken the standard and have run with it. I am proud of their efforts, also I think more scientists should tart it up for us.

As I am a bit of a self proclaimed amateur scientist myself, we’ll be doing a little science here ourselves… using the Scientific Method (of course):

My Science Experiment!!!

Observations:

• We know most published post-graduate scientists google themselves incessantly
• We also know the gears and tubes of the internet are solely lubricated with porn

Hypothesis:

• I will continue to be unappreciated for my sacrifice for science as I expose audiences who thought the sole purpose of the internet was for porn to the exciting world of SCIENCE!!!

Experiment:

• Each Hot Scientist will be featured in an appealing and positive light.
• In order to ease searches, each post will be coupled with a nekkid broad with the same first name.
• Each post will maintain the integrity, brilliance and levity of this satirical author.
• We will monitor comments and email for death threats and cease and desist orders.

We’ll provide you with our Conclusions after our week full of experiments!

For example:

Joanne Manaster is a Biology professor of some type, she lectures about organelles and all kinds of molecular and tissue science. I know, I’m totally digging her tissue too. Anyway, I’m not sure if she has her PhD, nor do I know if she does any real science but it really doesn’t matter since this is an example and Joanne herself is a gratuitous self promoter. So say hello to her, International Supermodel Scientists need love too.

She should not however be confused with Joanie Laurer, who is gratuitous in several VERY different ways. Although on second thought, not getting confused might be harder than I thought. I mean look at these two, they are EQUALLY HOT! Especially if Ms Laurer is kneeling in fur with a DMB Ameoba bikini slapped on her little Lily Garden. See, I know science too! Bonus: I finally found a use for the Dave Mathews Band

Yup, practically indistinguishable from the other Joanne.

Let the Science BEGIN!!!!

I happened to turn to the TV to find out I was watching “America’s Next Top Model”. I think it was some kind of rerun of the season opener since there was an inordinate amount of girls crying. I don’t mind the occasional girl crying on TV but I realized I have a limit of 20 women crying, anything over that drives me to writing inflammatory tweets.

I wasn’t really paying attention but I was told it was ‘fierce’, I don’t know what models and ‘fierce’ have in common. I’ve never known a clothes hanger to be fierce outside the grip of Joan Crawford. I once met a girl who did some modeling who happened to be fierce, but that had more to do with the black eye she laid on me then her ability to deliver a convincing GRRR! face.

I was also educated that fierce isn’t just an adjective, but apparently ‘fierce’ can be any part of speech. It’s true because someone on TV said it. I won’t get into that rant, but I am confused about the show. Am I wrong or is the whole program based around making people who think they are models look completely ridiculous, I mean this show seems to be very self-serving and doesn’t appear to have anything to do with fashion other than being driven by women with daddy issues and men who have no particular use for women.

Don’t you think straight men should have some influence in an industry primarily designed to be utilized to get their attention? Why does this all seem wrong? Should I get involved?

I decided to test my medical insurance the other day with one of my comprehensive annual exams where I prove I’m as healthy as a horse.  Guess what, I am, a very fat and lazy horse.

I like people who think out of the box so it was no surprise when I asked for a referral they knew exactly who to send me to, ‘Dr. Brentley’ is young doctor, younger than me and his practice is brand new. He was familiar with TCM and was eager for new patients, in a world where you could wait 6 weeks for an appointment I thought this was exactly what I was looking for…

My surprise came during the exam, you see Dr. Brentley is probably 120 lbs with shoes on. He grabs the little earlight and when the thing didn’t work he muttered “Shit”. He was mortified as he discovered I had overheard his outburst and went on a 5 minute apology asking me not to tell on him. I explained that probably every doctor says ’shit’ occasionally. I was a little concerned that I was the one comforting him, I thought that was his job. But that didn’t last as he informed me that I had reached the age where it was important to check my prostate. I informed him that Amy spends a good deal of time down there, but he insisted that it was medically necessary. It was at this point that I was curious about his training in alternative medicine.

I included a picture of  the procedure.

In other medical news, I took my Irish bartender to the hospital the other day. He broke his hand being Irish. I’m afraid that the diagnosis was terminal, he will undoubtedly die of being Irish.

I’ve been following the White House Blog and was interested in their views on Health Care reform, here’s the article for your perusal.

Twitterbound…

30 Rock quote of the day, “Lemon, don’t you have a slanket you should be filling with farts”

I came to bed to hear some BBC pompous English announcers discuss Ben Affleck’s ability as a movie’s potential antagonist, I think I want to stab myself with a spork.

Here is my ass in bed, now.

Is trhis visceral enough for you???

To start I want to reiterate how much I appreciate my little slice of heaven. I have it good, I have it good enough for two men my size. Actually, there are times when ‘the nurse’ will even make the excuse for me, she often blames my bad behavior on ‘THAT BASTARD’. I think this is why I live this double life, mild mannered media cog by day, dastardly bastard by night.

After ‘watching The Watchmen’ however, I’ve been struck with the dread that I should be lying low. Recently I’ve been having a series of nightmares where I’m being pursued by authorities for having a secret identity. Speaking of which, I’ve never been sure what they meant by Secret Identity, take Batman for instance, is Batman his Secret Identity or is it Bruce Wayne. If his Secret Identity is his public identity, how come Batman has to wear the mask. It all just seems so silly. I mean, Supervillians don’t seem to have Secret Identities, if they do, I’m sure they are way more fun to be around then some stuffy hero.

Of course it’s not enough to run around with some sinister alter ego, you have to have some superpower or something that justifies donning spandex besides your typical Saturday trip to Walmart. I have a superpower, although it doesn’t seem terribly dangerous. My superpower has proven to be somewhat useful when it comes to enjoying a simple night of drinking myself under the table. I have the uncanny power to guiltlessly drive women away crying. It’s not enough to drive them away, no I seem to only drive them away crying. I would probably be willing to trade powers, however I don’t want something stupid like the ability to make cheese smell worse, no I want something cool like the ability to make everyone nekkid. Yeah, that’s it….

Of course, I suppose I should do a sit up or two in case I inadvertently get caught up in my own reign of bare-er. Oh that was horrible, I’m getting rusty, I better make a quick getaway… hey look, nekkid people!